Sunday, November 25, 2007

Miri Trip

21st November 2007:
Finished exam @ 2.00pm, last paper, then terus rush back to Serdang to pack, mandi and then rush back to Church which is in Kuchai Lama. Reached LCCT @ 5.30pm. Boarded the 7.00pm flight to Miri. Got a lil bit delayed, therefore reach there at 10.00pm and Pastor John Chee, Aunty Tracy (Pastor's wife) and Reuben picked us up from Miri Airport and terus go to Hai Ma Restaurant to savour my first "Mee Kolok". Hohoho. After that, went back to Pastor John's house and call it a day.


The team.


Reached Miri. Eating.


Mee Kolok


22nd November 2007:
Woke up at 7.00am, and had breakfast at a restaurant, ate Mee Kolok again for that morning and after that, went to SIB Canada Hill, to check out that place because tonight is the starting of the RELENTLESS 2007 Conference. Eugene, Mark and me are going to perform our first item for the night. We went to a shopping complex, and then makan their pizza at Pizza Haven (not bad, their toppings are more generous than Pizza Hut). Then the night came and that's the start of RELENTLESS 2007: RUNNING WITH FIRE. After the worship session, we had our first item performed. And then, Pastor Daniel spoke. We call it a night after that.

Siok sendiri di dalam van.


The sea. Check out the waves.


A view from SIB Canada Hill.


The girls.


Opening performance by CHC. Gaya.


Another opening scene.

Tak ingat what session is this...

23rd November 2007:
Wake up @ 6.00am in the morning, it looked like 7.00am actually, haha. Had a simple breakfast(roti canai), which was not bad, and then went to SIB Canada Hill for the 2nd day of the workshop. Then we stop around 1.00pm to have our lunch, which is nasi ayam. After that, sambung balik and around 4.00pm, we reach Pastor John's house for a quick shower and cabut back to Canada Hill Church (CHC) for the night consert. We didn't have any items to perform this night so it was quite relaxed.


The future generation.


The Leaders of tomorrow. =D

Forgot their nicknames ady, given by Eugene. Haha.

Stay tuned for more updates ya. =D

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

At last...

Okay, having my last paper for this semester in 3 hours time, dunno what to expect, 2 and a half hours paper, I pray that I can finish by 1.30pm la... Hmm...

Kinda nervous coz I'm going to MIRI today! WOOHOO! Don't really know what to expect also, what people to meet, new friends that I'm going to make. =)

I do pray that God will use me as a blessing to them and use them to bless my life back. I know I'll never be the same again, not the same old TERENCE @ CHINGZ that you guys noe :P

Feeling kinda down actually since 2 days back, for what reason, that's personal. Maybe because I don't really know how to express myself in words, and doubt that even after I express it, the other party won't really care about me. Haha, why do I need other people to care bout me feelings? Especially her? Somehow just felt that, what I'm doing right now is not so right, as in, being the best of me for her, in everything... I should be the best for God and not for humans... Don't know la... complicated stuff. Only God knows. Let God keep this for me, I don't want to think about it, not denying but just wanna get some peace sahaja =)

Lawak betul... I should be thankful and grateful that God is so faithful to me, and I am thankful and grateful for that. =)

If in the future I found someone that is as faithful as God to me and someone that loves me unconditionally but still loves God more than she loves me, I am grateful, I am thankful, and I can give her everything that I have. Hmm...

If I didn't find one, then I'll become a Christian "sami" ady, haha, tak mau kahwin, serve God, and then tunggu mati :P

Shallom. =)

Sunday, November 18, 2007

A Story...

Let me tell you a story...

Alvin(not his real name) invited his ex, Cassie(not her real name either) to church a long time ago because Cassie hasn't been attending church for the past few months and Alvin thought that this is not healthy to her, as a brother in Christ that cares for her, he kept on urging her to come to church.

One day, Cassie decided to drop by, of course, Alvin was happy that she's coming and wanted to talk to her to catch up and see how is she coping right now. At the mean time, Brianna(not her real name), someone that Alvin is interested in at the current moment, went back to her hometown and doesn't know about this.

Suddenly, Alvin got a message from Brianna, telling him how she is back in her hometown. Alvin was excited to get a message from Brianna, as always, and decided to tell her in return what has happened that day to Brianna. Brianna was telling Alvin that she wasn't feeling quite well but that night, she was okay, as in, she felt better.

As Alvin was messaging Brianna, he told her about his ex, Cassie, came to church. He was excited to share this as he thought it won't do any harm because what's past is past as Alvin and Cassie, both know that they won't get back together anyway.

After that, Brianna told Alvin that she's resting early because she's not feeling well. She said goodbye and left Alvin wondering whether she's really not feeling well or she felt weird after what Alvin has shared with her. Alvin felt bad... really bad... and he doesn't understand why she was acting like that and why did he care so much about her feelings.

The next day, Alvin messaged Brianna and wanted to call her to talk about what has happened yesterday. Brianna asked Alvin not to call but both of them "balas" messages. He said sorry for telling Brianna about Cassie and if that really made Brianna felt not good, he won't tell her about Cassie again. Brianna assured Alvin that she wasn't and yesterday she had another migraine, therefore she's not feeling well and she thought that Alvin will understand. Alvin does not understand why the sudden downfall in the way Brianna messaged Alvin, therefore he felt that he was at fault and he was kind of disappointed with the way Brianna acted and fed up with the way she reacted.

Brianna said she was disappointed at Alvin because she thought that Alvin would understand. Brianna said sorry if the way she messaged Alvin has changed. She said that she was at fault but Alvin told Brianna sorry for causing her to feel bad. She replied Alvin by saying sorry and she has nothing to say about it. Alvin was left hanging again.

Questions to ponder:
1. Why did Alvin told Brianna about Cassie? Is it to make her jealous or just want to share with her that Cassie came to church?
2. Is it wrong that Alvin has told Brianna about Cassie?
3. What is going through Alvin? What makes him care so much about Brianna?
4. Who's at fault? Brianna or Alvin?

Nah, try to answer those questions and see, haha, HOC MUN, I know you sure got lotz of stuff to share one. :P

Shallom.

Friday, November 16, 2007

'Til next semester...

Ooo, what a solemn day yesterday was, not sure what has happened among my friends / among the people that I care for. Felt this overwhelming grief in my spirit that I don't even know why... Just prayed and then after that went to sleep ady, was really feeling not-so-well over it...

Someone scrape / cut her thumb / palm. Tu lah, mau "ACTION" lagi, muahaha, Tuhan memang adil :P Memang akan rindu pada setiap orang yang saya tidak akan jumpa lagi untuk semester ini, or at least until the end of this year, friends from PERKEB, friends from Taiping, a friend from abroad, gonna miss you guys / girls a lot...

I'm not sure what I'm going to go through this holiday, but I know God is going through it with me as well, muahahaha, thank You, Jesus!

Okay, signing off now. 2 more papers to GO, which is SADM + JAVA. God, You must help me this time... and I'm serious... :(

Shallom.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Back...

Back to my old self again. Finished another paper yesterday, HCI, no more!!! Woohoo! Met with her for lunch today as I went to UNI to pass up an assignment, thank God for the fellowship, dunno why... but yet again... something that I don't really like to hear... "you deserve someone better than me", memang sakit la, just pray that one day you guys/girls will see that actually TERENCE is just another human being, have weaknesses and strenght and actually, we are all just the same =)

Ok, thank God for electricity. Was stuck dunno what to do for 2 hours... minus 1 hour of slept, haha, now wanna study ady lo, tomorrow ada satu paper, Neural Nets. God bless me. Haha.

Too early to say whether I've actually fallen for her or not also, sometimes it's because of emotions ba, kena lihat whether both can work together or not (in terms of working for God, as in, in PERKEB / Church), then see whether the results is going to be like TWICEFOLD or whether I work alone / she work alone can achieve better results... Don't really know how to put this into words, haha, Tuhan saja yang tahu. Serahkan kepada Tuhan saja. =)

Shoutout to all my friends and people that I care for >>> Have a save journey back to your hometown guys, may it be Sabah, Sarawak, anywhere in Malaysia.

Question: How to let someone know that we really care for them through our hearts and there's not a certain motive in getting close to someone, as in, towards girls? Because I find that sometimes, memang susah oh... later fall for that girl ady, pula ask me not to fall for them and all, natural right to fall for someone at this age, dahla single... anyway, just don't care about what I write here la, hanya mau dengar opinion saja.

Learnt something new > When you're tempted to do something, or memang kena attack when you think too much, stop and say > No, I won't let you(refering to S.A.Tan) kacau me, balik la you, si bodoh! In Jesus name, GO AWAY! shoo! < and after that, give thanks to God. Somehow it works. Haha, happened to me when I was listening to LITE FM, memang la, all the love songs, and then I terasa, I know I cannot do that, that's why terus stop and shouted in the car, I terus off the radio, and it worked! haha, =)

Signing out!

Shallom.

Monday, November 12, 2007

A lil something to share...

Please bear with me if I posted too much on BGR these few days ya =)

From "The Collegian: Christianity and Dating: Laying the Foundations of Biblical Romance and Marriage"

"One important problem of recreational dating is that it often mistakes a physical relationship for love. Is true love the desire to fulfill our emotional and physical wants through another person? No, love places the interests of others ahead of our own. Love sacrifices, serves, and gives without expectation of return. Can a man say he loves a woman, while he reserves the right to abandon her at any moment for the next prettier face? This degrades the value of women and shames the honor of men. Woman is the apex of God’s creation: when man was not good enough alone, the Lord produced a woman to complete His work. A true man ought to honor woman as the weaker vessel and not take advantage of her. If a man is to act nobly, he must guard the honor and purity of women, protecting them from all that threatens their security. A man must even protect women from himself; a woman at no time should feel uncomfortable in his presence, but on the contrary, safe and honored. As Romans 13:10 says, “Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.” Far from the world’s shallow brand of “love” which breaks the law of God and destroys the moral standard, true love fulfills and upholds Biblical law. “For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another” (Gal. 5:13).
Probably the biggest danger of the modern dating method is that it leads to intimacy without commitment. Intimate romance is a good thing, and God even commands it; but, as Joshua Harris states in I Kissed Dating Goodbye, “the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing” (73). An act of romance cannot come by itself– romance is designed to be carried out to the full, and with its privileges come responsibility and commitment. These are one inseparable whole, and we cannot try to initiate romance to take just a piece of it. Romance always demands more romance, and accelerates to greater degrees of expression until a relationship has been fully consummated. This is a good and virtuous thing when coupled with the commitment of marriage, but outside of marriage, it can lead to nothing but heartbreak and trouble. There are those who claim that dating builds relationship skills, teaches us to work through issues, and prepares us to face the challenges of marriage. In reality dating trains young people to give up on any relationship that no longer brings them pleasure. Doug Wilson, in his book Her Hand in Marriage, decisively states: “The modern dating system does not train young people to form a relationship. It trains them to form a series of relationships, and further trains them to harden themselves to the break-up of all but the current one. At the very least, this system is as much a preparation for divorce as it is for marriage” (10-11). The courtship relationship, however, is to be entered only with the intention of marriage, and its object is not present pleasure, but the choice of a companion (Haines and Yaggy 263). If a person is not interested in marriage, or is not prepared to assume the responsibilities of marriage, he has no business pursuing a girl’s heart. Before a young man can even consider courtship, he must prepare himself to support a wife and family; as Proverbs 24:27 commands, “Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field; and afterwards build thine house.”

Prior to entering the commitment of marriage, we must remain committed and faithful to that unnamed future mate. If with every act of romance we give away a piece of our heart, we must consciously strive to save our hearts for marriage romance, that we may give them wholly and proudly to one lifetime partner. In the same way, outside of lifelong commitment, we must not steal the heart of another. While some may claim that dating holds value in and of itself, that is to say, dating is an end in itself, and it is good because it is fun, courtship, in contrast, is never an end in itself, but only a step toward marriage.

Another basic problem of recreational dating is that it distracts young people from preparing for the future. Young people are in a season of training, and infatuation within a dating relationship wastes much time that might have been invested in learning or serving. It is important for us to realize and utilize God’s gift of singleness. Before marriage, while full of energy and not encumbered by the responsibilities of a family, young people have unequaled opportunities to serve the Lord and to learn and grow. Such times should not be squandered on a train of unfulfilling dating relationships. If a young man is truly interested in a girl, instead of letting her know about it, he ought consider what traits she would deserve in a husband, and then work to develop in himself those qualities."

Shallom.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Something to share with...

I guess this blog post is very very true, and very very meaningful. Go check it out! =)

http://audreygriselda.multiply.com/journal/item/88

-Courtesy of Audrey (eventhough I don't know you, but this entry is neat. =D) -

Once again...

Once again... I'm back to myself. Kena rejected again lor, haha, but nevermind la, just like what Charis said, even if it doesn't work out, at least I know that I've been the best that I've been when I'm with her. =)

Oh ya, talking about that, truely this time, I take it as God wants to teach me a lesson. The following are my experiences throughout this 3 months.

1. I know how weak I am > See someone that understands me, terus interested in that someone < I pray that God will strengthen me and prepare me for whatever future purposes He has for me la, as in, memang fall for someone that I truely-madly-deeply suka, and she also must be the same oni can :P

2. I know how far I can go for someone that I truely care for > sampai the stage where if my life is at stake to protect that someone, I will go for it... Don't know whether this is biased or i'm just plain stupid la =)

3. I know that it takes TWO to DANCE > 1 fella mana boleh menari, kena ada partner ba. Must have someone that shares the same heartbeat as mine, the same passion, baru boleh menari.

4. I know that if God says NO, He really mean it > This one I'm not so sure yet, no one knows the future, including myself or her, haha, if God memang plan for us to be together, no matter what happens now, memang will be together next time, it's just that the time is not right yet and God knows what I need right now and what she needs right now.

5. I don't hate her / angry at her, disappointed got la, a bit > Hmm, I wonder why also, disappointed will make me grow but I know I should have hated her / be angry at her for what I've done, what I've shown to her but none wor... totally, and seriously, it's weird. Kinda relieve also, dunno why... But what I know is apa yang telah berlaku, it's not her fault loh =)

Through this period, of things that has happened, really felt that my relationship with God has grown, one way or another la. =)

I will still keep you in my prayer. Believe God, believe in me also. Thank you for being who you are when you're with me and thank you for being frank with me. Arigato.

Tuhan berkati =)

Helping a fallen comrade...

Still praying, still interceding, still hoping...

Time is of the essence, and I believe God and time will be able to, and I'm sure and believe by faith that is able to heal a fallen comrade of mine. I take this as a new chapter in my life for no longer I love someone because I just wanna be with that someone, right now, what I truely feel is written in 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 which is:

1. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.
2. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
4. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
5. does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
6. does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7. bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.
9. For we know in part and we prophesy in part.
10. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
11. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
13. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

There, something like that la. I'm not boasting or anything, and I'm not so sure what God is trying to tell me, maybe this is a part of molding me and molding that fallen comrade of mine, shaping us for greater purposes in the future, to do God's will, to work for God, to serve Him, and to be used by Him as a tool in this world.

I still pray, and am going to pray, until something happens again.

Shallom.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Something to ponder about...

Something to ponder about...

God is too wise to be mistaken,
God is too good to be unkind,
So when you don't understand,
When you can't see His plans,
When you can't trace His hands,
Trust His heart.

God bless.

-a new chapter in my life-

Friday, November 9, 2007

Sad? Happy?

I'm not sure whether I should be sad or happy... Yesterday made a call and in that call, I've said something, which I'm not sure whether will "speed things up" or not. What I know is this feeling of certainty, somehow, first time happening to me. I'm certain of what I want to do and I'm not afraid to go all out for it, no matter what the outcome maybe...

Maybe it's because I really wanted this, deep down inside me, I really wanted it... But as a melancholic person myself, I always think I'm not up to it, not up to what God is going to give me, what God has blessed me with. I always think that "I'm not good enough for it..."...

To her > truely, if you're asking me whether I mean what I said yesterday and said what I mean, I only have one answer, which is a big "YES". I really would like to journey with you, would like to share your burdens, would like to be there for you, but then, what I have in mind is > It's up to God to decide, not us, as human beings who wanna strive to live for God decides. If God were to ask me face to face whether I want it or not, I would say > "Heck, YES!!!" but I would also say > "if You're going to be the center of this relationship and if You're going to bless the both of us and if this is in Your wonderful plans for the both of us".

Right now, I can just pray and surrender and fully trust in God. I believe what God is telling the both of us is this > Whatever your choices maybe, I will be there for the both of you. I will judge your actions in this friendship/relationship. If you delight yourselves in Me, I will give you the desires of Your hearts (Psalms 37:4, NKJV). Therefore basically, whatever answer you might give me, I take it as what God wants for the both of us, whether it's a YES or NO. Take your time, because this is crucial... It determines for you and for me.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Done...

OK, did make a call yesterday, she wasn't feeling well again... Oh God, heal her... Somehow I can say the talk on the phone was a fruitful one, eventhough she didn't talk much bcoz half the time she was coughing and refusing to go and have a drink... lastly when I put down d fone, she said she'll go and get a drink, i hope she didn't lie...

Anyway, as the saying goes and memang experience before > the more you want something, and in the end if you don't get it, the harder you'll fall.

Terence believes > the more you pray and let it go(as in, leave it to God), and in the end even though you don't get it, God has already changed and transformed and strengthen you, and you'll be able to see things in a different perspective. <<< Maybe this one is to make oneself feel better eventhough he/she has failed...

Yesterday was talking to Soo How about life partner stuff, as he was telling me his plans for his future, I was telling him something like this >>> You know, I believe that God will grant us what we want(in the context of gf/bf later become wife/husband), if He sees that we have put effort in it, as in, we pray and fast for it, and deep in our hearts we really want it, but the thing is, if and only if we surrender that matter to God at the same time and if both parties (the guy and the girl) also praying and longing for God and each other. It takes two to tango what...

It takes two to tango, both parties also must have feelings for each other. The question is > is "uncertainty" good or not good? How would you react if the girl/guy that you like is not so "certain" of their feeling towards you? Dunno whether their feelings are of love, sister/brother in Christ, just a friend...

To me, everyone has their uncertainty and until they came to a point in live where they have to make a decision, either it's all or nothing, because sometimes we do need to take that step of faith, right? Not blindly but by praying and fasting and asking God and yourself, if memang you pray that day and you got this feeling of at peace in your heart, take that as what God really wants you to do, and do it, eventhough you're uncertain, but go and take that step of faith! =)

Terence's reminder: I won't do anything drastic that will "speed" up things, but I will let God decide whether I'm the one and I will let you decide whether the answer is "all" or "nothing".

Tuhan berkati.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Disappointed?

I've disappointed someone... again... the second time, and I don't feel good about it...

Actually, I don't really know why am I angry when she didn't reply me (was chatting in Skype). She was chatting with her friends and I pula trying to fix my hard-disk, did something to it coz I wanted to install Windows Vista. Haha...

The funny thing is, I got angry when the replies are quite late (actually, I was looking at my notes also, in slides), but kinda learnt my lesson la... Now I'm sure that if I'm studying, never on my Skype, nanti jumpa dia, tangan gatal mau chatting pula...

Messaged her twice, called her but no answer... Sad... but fear not, I'm gonna try again tonight. =)

Shallom.

Love is only perfect if it comes from God...

Somehow, this thing just came into my mind, therefore decided to put it as my blog title, haha.

Did something to my hard-disk today, allocated 10GB of "unallocated space", which means free space and had a hard time of "emerging" back that free space to my primary partition. Not until I found Norton's Partition Magic. Cool tool to use.

Now, I partitioned 36Gb for my WinXP and 36GB for Vista Ultimate, mau cuba2 sahaja. Haha.

Somehow, don't know why, when we're in love, we tend to be quite... bias... if I may say so, maybe not for some of you but for me, definitely. Just trying to tell that person how much she meant to me, tiba2 also have to blow it off one... I guess it's the right thing to do... because doing what is right is WAY BETTER than doing what feels good. =)

Thank you, girl.

Tuhan berkati.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

2 down, 4 to go...

Just a short countdown post to my finals.

1. English for Information Technology. - DOWN.
2. Software Engineering. - DOWN.
3. Human-Computer Interaction.
4. Neural Networks.
5. Systems Analysis, Design and Management.
6. Java Programming.