Saturday, March 28, 2009

Nag?

Should I nag?
Should I not nag?
If I don't nag, you might say I don't care?
If I do nag, you might feel that I'm hard to be pleased and very mahuan?

Courtesy of dictionary.reference.com:

–verb (used with object)
1.
to annoy by persistent faultfinding, complaints, or demands.
2.
to keep in a state of troubled awareness or anxiety, as a recurrent pain or problem: She had certain misgivings that nagged her.

–verb (used without object)
3.
to find fault or complain in an irritating, wearisome, or relentless manner (often fol. by at): If they start nagging at each other, I'm going home.
4.
to cause pain, discomfort, distress, depression, etc. (often fol. by at): This headache has been nagging at me all day.

Causes discomfort, distress, depression. Is it because we are challenged from our comfort zone?
I usually don't nag unless you're very important to me, that's when I nag.
Usually when I nag, it's regarding something that I see as important, not just to me but to everyone. I don't nag and aim at just one person. When I nag, I look at the big picture and the future.

I will still nag and voice out even if it hurts, even if it's painful.

Sigh... life is hard. Feelings of disappointment sucks. I hate what I'm feeling right now. Sorry, I shouldn't think thrice before I say anything. I believe there's a lot of ways to deal with things.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with you? Even the same struggles?

OMG...

Monday, March 23, 2009

Conversation

Was praying and asking God to speak to me and I uttered these words in my head...

God, I pray that You'll remind me that "for everything, there is a season". You'll remind me that You are "in control", and help me to realise that when the time comes, things will be "exceedingly abundant".

Then I stopped and I realised that God spoke in my prayer. Because these words just came... without me even realising it?

Talk about creepyness... -.-

Saturday, March 21, 2009

3rd time...

Tiba-tiba, this statement was made.
How do you want me to answer?
I thought you're determined?
From where I see it, I'm determined too.
You are right, nonetheless.
That I need to get the confirmation myself.
I pray that God will speak to me,
Eventhough I dunno whether it is in dreams,
or visions,
or prophesy,
or maybe just a friend telling me that it is you.
Since you're not in a rush, I'll try not to rush you too.
But this is not easy and I hope you do understand.
Right now I'm feeling angry.
I'm feeling disappointed.
The third time I'm feeling like this.
I believe God is showing me something.
Would it be better if God speaks to us at the same time?
Would it be better if once again I act bodoh and pretend that I do not know?

I need some sleep. Having headaches.

No worries, I will move on.

God, you know what I'm going through.
Speak to me, I need to hear from You.
I need to hear what You have to say, not what others are saying.
I need to know what is Your will in this.
I need to know why is this happening right now.
I need answers, not silent whispers.
I need audible answers. Do not forsake me.

Where are you, God? Have you forgotten about me? Don't pass me by.

I humble myself and I'll be waiting for You.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Stereotype?

With frowning face, my dad said to me, "See la, after 5 years, you'll surely change car!"

You guys might be wondering what's going on. Hmm, where should I start...

It's like this, few weeks back, I was discussing with my dad about me getting a car. My dad told me to get a cheap car first (Saga BLM) while I was actually aiming for a MyVI. My dad was telling me MyVI is too expensive and all (RM50K) while I on the other hand don't believe in PROTON cars (due to super alot of complains and seeing the problems in PROTON cars myself - my dad owns a Saga and then changed to a Wira).

And guess what? My dad went into a defensive mode, and start saying stereotype things, such as after 5 years, I'll change the car, no point getting an expensive car coz later I'll be "changing" it anyway, get so expensive also useless coz I'll be "changing" it anyway. I was telling him that the reason for getting a MyVI is for the safety of it (Dual Airbags, ABS) while BLM doesn't have (yes it does, only driver seat airbag, and that's all). My dad straight away tell me this, "You want safety? Get a Volvo". It's totally out of the picture in a sense that he's trying to get on my nerves and irritate me. Thank God I was able to control my temper and walk out of the conversation, if I stayed there, I would have shouted back at my dad, seriously.

And so, today, the conversation continued and yes we did argue but it was not to say a shouting match la. I decided that I won't be getting a car (due to my dad asking me to take a 5 year loan and to take a 5 year loan of RM40K, I would have to pay back RM700 per month. That's bull to me.). Therefore I've decided not to get a car yet due to too expensive and I'll be taking bike la, fair and square.

Sometimes I wonder why is my dad so stereotype? I pray that I won't be like him when I'm old.

To my dad: Yes, I respect your opinions, but the decision is mine. Let me do the decision. I'm 23 and I'm no longer under your "chains" so to speak. Anyway, it's my hard earn money, not yours.

Ps: My dad is not a Christian.

Edited: The reason I put my dad is not a Christian, is not because I'm trying to tell you guys that RELIGION matters but the reason I put it there is so that you guys know what background I come from (I'm the only Christian in my family, for now). :)

-end-

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

God spoke.

This is what God said:

Move on my child. Stop indulging in your situation. You have to go through the things that I've allowed you to go through, in order to shape you and mold you to be who I want you to be.

Reminds me of the story of the pot asking the Potter "why did You make me this way?"

:)

W.h.y?

Why is it so hard to wanna make it right?
Why is it so hard when it involves feelings and emotions?
Why is it so hard when I felt that we're just trying to please the people around us?
God, what do You have to say about this? I really wanna know...

I know I won't like this... but through out these feelings, I choose to believe that God is trying to mold me and trying to tell me something. God, what are you trying to tell me? Please give me specific facts/details and help my heart to be able to accept it.

Sigh... I don't know what to say. I need to sleep and bury all these. I hate what I'm feeling right now. The feeling of "tak puas hati"... the feeling of "what the heck?"

Would it be any better if I just buat bodoh and didn't "guess" it? Would it be any better if nobody knows? I can only imagine and wonder...

Ahhh... forget about it...

Monday, March 9, 2009

Camwhore?

I don't understand why people (this means that alot of my friends too) like to use the word camwhore. If I'm not mistaken, and according to my own understanding, it's the same meaning as "like to take pictures" or "like to take siok sendiri (self absorption) pics". I went to http://www.dictionary.com and searched for "camwhore". Let's see what camwhore really means:

No results found for camwhore:
Did you mean cam whore (in dictionary) or Cam whore (in reference)?


What do you mean by no results? It can't be due to alot of my friends like to use that word! So I clicked on the links and this is what http://www.reference.com says:

Cam whore - 2 reference results

Cam whore
A cam whore (sometimes cam-whore or cam-slut) is an individual who exposes himself or herself on the Internet with webcam software in exchange for goods, usually by encouraging viewers to purchase items on their wish lists or add to their online accounts. While the label is usually considered derogatory and insulting, it is also used by these people to describe themselves, occasionally in a self-deprecating manner. The term "cam whore" is also used to refer to individuals who post pictures or videos of themselves on the Internet to gain attention. The term disparages those who post pictures of themselves at inappropriate times or places, and usually implies self-absorption. This second usage of the term, deriding vanity and histrionics, is overtaking the prior, more intuitive definition. It is usually synonymous with "attention whore".

The term camwhore was first used in print as early as November 2001, but may have originated in Australia as early as 1999. Some insight into the world of underage cam whores was provided by a major article in the New York Times. It described the story of Justin Berry, a thirteen-year old boy who, after hooking up his webcam and listing himself on an online forum in order to make friends, was propositioned by older men to strip and masturbate on camera. CNN referred to him as "in the language of cyberspace... a cam-whore". He eventually started his own paysite, was molested for money, sold video recordings of his encounters with Mexican prostitutes, and helped hire other underage models. He made several hundred thousand dollars over five years. In the end he turned all information over to prosecutors in exchange for immunity.

See also

Internet pornography
Erotic capital

Source: http://www.reference.com/search?q=Cam+whore

See you still dare to say you like to camwhore or not.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

You knew...

You knew all along what I needed.
You knew all along what I pray.
You knew all along even when I didn't pray.
You knew.

I'm marvelled at the way things work according to Your will.
I'm marvelled at how You bring it together.

I can't wait for it to come to pass.

.
.
.

But still, I will wait. Because I choose to obey You and I wanna make it right this time.

Thank You for second chances.

I love You and I want You to know. Words can't express what I'm feeling now and what I'm going through now but I know You are always there for me, and always there against me when I am not righteous. Thank You.

-end-

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Determined.

#include < i o s t r e a m >

using namespace std;

int main
{
cout << "I'm determined to finish up my Thesis by end of March!" << endl;
return 0;
}